
If you are feeling stressed or under pressure right now it is not necessarily a bad thing. Healthy stress keeps us motivated and looking forward. Emotions tell us there is an unmet need deep within and prompts us to go and satisfy that need.
The problem comes when we are stressed more often than not, and it becomes ‘normal’ to feel uncomfortable much of the time. I used to think, when I get older, I won’t be stressed any more and things will fine, I just need to get older… Well, that didn’t work! In fact, stress, anxiety, and depression can be like unwanted passengers who sit on our bus, who don’t pay their fare and take up someone else’s seat. Age does not insulate us from anxiety or stress and nor does it dilute strong feelings. Here are a few simple techniques to deal with strong, unwanted emotions.
1. Name what you are feeling. If you are in a situation where you are feeling big emotions like frustration or anger or fear for example, say to yourself, ‘I am noticing the emotion of feeling stuck’ or ‘I’m noticing there is fear around right now’ or ‘that encounter has left a feeling of anger’. If you find yourself saying, ‘I’m noting I am angry’, try flipping it away from yourself to, ‘I’m noting there’s anger around…’ The words we use make a difference.
2. Reassess what’s going on. We are good at mind reading what someone else is thinking and it is a necessary skill if we want to get on with friends and family. The trouble comes when we try to understand what someone else is thinking from our own point of view. Instead, reassess the situation and consider how the other person might see this situation. For example, someone says they will meet you at the café and pay back the £20 they owe you, but they don’t show up. Instead of thinking, ‘they aren’t going to pay me back. I knew I shouldn’t have loaned them money’ try looking at it from their point of view. ‘They borrowed the money in the first place because they didn’t have enough to get by. Maybe the circumstances haven’t changed’. Or ‘maybe they need the money for their daughter’s school shoes for the start of term’. Just take a different perspective and see how that new view changes how you feel.
3. The helicopter ride. Imagine you are lifting off in a helicopter and you can see a much bigger picture, not just yourself below or the situation that is facing you but other circumstances which might help to put your situation in perspective. Simply, ask yourself ‘just how important is this issue that’s facing me right now in comparison to the bigger picture?’
4. On the big screen. Imagine you are watching yourself on the big screen at the cinema. Watch yourself in the tricky situation that’s causing you big emotions just like you would at a cinema and create some distance from all that’s troubling you. Just watch yourself on the cinema screen from the back of the auditorium and notice after a while how strong your emotions are now.
These simple ways to navigate life’s troubles are all designed to lower our stress levels, calm the mind, and directly affect a part of the brain we need to be in control when things don’t go according to plan. Try them out and see how you feel after a few days practising them and let me know what did and didn’t work for you.
Rev Tim Moore
Tim is one of our ministers who teaches mindfulness and wellbeing
The problem comes when we are stressed more often than not, and it becomes ‘normal’ to feel uncomfortable much of the time. I used to think, when I get older, I won’t be stressed any more and things will fine, I just need to get older… Well, that didn’t work! In fact, stress, anxiety, and depression can be like unwanted passengers who sit on our bus, who don’t pay their fare and take up someone else’s seat. Age does not insulate us from anxiety or stress and nor does it dilute strong feelings. Here are a few simple techniques to deal with strong, unwanted emotions.
1. Name what you are feeling. If you are in a situation where you are feeling big emotions like frustration or anger or fear for example, say to yourself, ‘I am noticing the emotion of feeling stuck’ or ‘I’m noticing there is fear around right now’ or ‘that encounter has left a feeling of anger’. If you find yourself saying, ‘I’m noting I am angry’, try flipping it away from yourself to, ‘I’m noting there’s anger around…’ The words we use make a difference.
2. Reassess what’s going on. We are good at mind reading what someone else is thinking and it is a necessary skill if we want to get on with friends and family. The trouble comes when we try to understand what someone else is thinking from our own point of view. Instead, reassess the situation and consider how the other person might see this situation. For example, someone says they will meet you at the café and pay back the £20 they owe you, but they don’t show up. Instead of thinking, ‘they aren’t going to pay me back. I knew I shouldn’t have loaned them money’ try looking at it from their point of view. ‘They borrowed the money in the first place because they didn’t have enough to get by. Maybe the circumstances haven’t changed’. Or ‘maybe they need the money for their daughter’s school shoes for the start of term’. Just take a different perspective and see how that new view changes how you feel.
3. The helicopter ride. Imagine you are lifting off in a helicopter and you can see a much bigger picture, not just yourself below or the situation that is facing you but other circumstances which might help to put your situation in perspective. Simply, ask yourself ‘just how important is this issue that’s facing me right now in comparison to the bigger picture?’
4. On the big screen. Imagine you are watching yourself on the big screen at the cinema. Watch yourself in the tricky situation that’s causing you big emotions just like you would at a cinema and create some distance from all that’s troubling you. Just watch yourself on the cinema screen from the back of the auditorium and notice after a while how strong your emotions are now.
These simple ways to navigate life’s troubles are all designed to lower our stress levels, calm the mind, and directly affect a part of the brain we need to be in control when things don’t go according to plan. Try them out and see how you feel after a few days practising them and let me know what did and didn’t work for you.
Rev Tim Moore
Tim is one of our ministers who teaches mindfulness and wellbeing